Life is about making decisions; whether they are wrong or right is left to the wind. We are given Free Agency in order to gain knowledge for ourselves through our experiences.
Something that I have begun to struggle with is the Anxiety and Stress that comes with making decisions.
I am afraid of repeating the wrong decisions I made in the past; even though, at the time, they seemed right to me. Who knows; maybe at the time it was right for me to make the wrong decision. A lesson to learn the hard way.
I find myself singing the primary song to myself habitually whenever I am flabbergasted as to what I should do...
"Choose the right when a choice is placed before you. In the right the Holy Spirit guides; and its light is forever shining o'er you, when in the right your heart confides. Choose the right! Let no spirit of digression overcome you in the evil hour. There's the right and the wrong to ev'ry question; be safe thru inspiration's pow'r."
Well; here I am. I am Humming that little song in my head. Waiting for my anxiety to go away so that I can feel that for once I am doing something right for myself & my future.
I follow the right steps; I try to be healthy about communicating with my parents, God & those that are important around me for the confirmation or knowledge that I am at least on the right track.
I am working towards Happiness.
I do NOT want the ugly past 'bad decisions' I have made to keep peering over my shoulder like a little monster.
I need the certainty that I will be satisfied with myself in the end. I need to feel self-assured for once about where I am going.
& sure, I am scared witless of putting myself out there to get hurt all over again.
Every bell in my head is ringing out a warning that I am getting a little too close to the tender, vulnerable spots for my sanity's comfort.
Crazy part is; I feel that it's what I need to do despite all the warnings.
It's time to give trust to my instincts again; forgive and forget how it's mislead me.
It's time to stop beating myself up with doubt and worry.
Healthy choice?
.... Hmm.
Well, we will see.
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